Today on my way to work I started thinking about what I was going to plant in my garden this spring. One of my favorite things to plant is tomato plants. Last year I planted 42 tomato plants and was so excited about the fruit that it was going to produce. As the season progressed the tomato plants appeared so full of life and had so many green tomatoes on them. However, one day towards the end of spring I went out to my garden to find that many of the green tomatoes were developing black spots at the bottom of the fruit. Those once nice green tomatoes had developed what is call blossom end rot. As a result, I lost nearly all of my first tomatoes. I was puzzled as to why this had happened but then I remembered that I had missed an important step in cultivating the soil. I had forgotten to add lime to the soil as I was preparing it for the planting season. Missing this one simple step led to a beautiful plant on the outside and a starving plant on the inside.
This is much like what happens to marriages over time. In the zeal of being married we sometimes forget the key parts that give our marriages the nourishment they need. Most of the married couples I have seen in counseling come in looking like the above illustration. It is a slow process that leads to a point of producing what I will call “bloom end rot” in the life of a marriage. There is good news though! There are steps that each and every couple can take to end the “bloom end rot” in their marriages such as reevaluating priorities, learning how to communicate better, learning how to put fun and intimacy back in a marriage, etc. My hope is to have a deeper discussion in my next few blogs regarding how to add these vital steps back into a marriage.
Written By:
Reid Wood, MA, LPC